party girl
(via thefreebitchproject)
in my mind i too can wear horizontal stripes…yeah, i can’t but cuteness.
(via thefreebitchproject)
purty
(via thefreebitchproject)
Audrey Hepburn reads on the set of ’Sabrina’, 1953. Photo by Mark Shaw.
(via pursuitofbeing)
I’m Sober…Now What?
I realize the longer I don’t drink, the less friends I have. No really, it’s true. It’s Saturday night and I have been watching the Kardashians on repeat not because I like them (ok, maybe just a tad) but because my phone literally has not rang all day. Not one person has called me except my 80 year plus land lady who said “Alisa, is that you? My phone rang and I didn’t get to it.” Apparently, she thinks that I too have nothing else to do on a Saturday night.
When I first decided to stop drinking, I thought it was because I also needed to stop smoking, but as the days have gone on and I continue on this sobriety path I realize I may have had a minor drinking problem. I had a binge drinking problem for sure. I would go on benders for days, weeks and even years at a time. This is the first time I’ve been sober for three consecutive months since I believe I was 15. I’ve surrounded myself in the last 15 years with people who also like to binge drink which is why I’m sitting here alone on a Saturday evening because all of my friends are out drinking.
I am not mad or even the slightly bit jealous because right now I definitely do not miss the violent hangovers, the binge eating or the occasional all day vomiting. I miss human contact. I miss having somewhere to go. I miss getting dressed up to go to a restaurant or bar to sit and bitch and complain about my life as I chugged vodka and chain smoked packs of cigarettes. I’d be lying if I said I did not miss those nights. But what’s started to happen is that I love my new life more than those hazy nights. I love waking up and feeling like I can conquer the world. I always have had a love for life. I was the type of drunk who never wanted the fun to end. I could get anyone to have that “one last drink” because we were having such a lovely time or because “we only live once.” I used that last line a lot to justify countless nights I don’t even remember now.
I’m still a work in progress and I’m not sure if I will ever drink again or not. I would like to think that I would be able to enjoy wine again, but right now I’m just not sure. I sit on the weekends alone most of the time wondering what exactly should I do with myself. I wonder who is going to enter my life next. I sometimes just sit here thinking that’s it really pathetic that I’m going to bed at 9pm on a Saturday. But then I think about going to bed at 3am or 5am and it just wasn’t working for me or my skin or my waistline anymore. So what do you do after you decide to get sober? Where do you go? Who do you hang out with? I’m just starting to realize that I have to change everything about my life. That my friends don’t want to give up the booze yet and that is ok. I’m still in the in between. The past lurks right beside me waiting for me to go back. Yet down the hall there is a glimmer of light one that is so bright it keeps drawing me closer and closer.
Rants, Raves, and Reasons
Rants: Wasting time on things you don’t believe in 100% percent. Working records just to see if they “stick.” Not having a plan. Traffic. Driving in more traffic to work out. Wearing two sports bras. People who just make shit up because they are afraid to say the truth. Jumping at the gym. I hate it. False power. Laundry.
Raves: Music. Love. Passion. Never giving up. Cinco de Mayo. New Friends. New experiences. Lake Shrine. Actually, working out. Knowing that I stand in my own truth. Not letting anyone take that away. No amount of money or stress is worth comprimising my own truth. My apartment is swanky now. It’s comfy.
Reasons:Life is too short. You only have the moment. Even when I’m aggro in traffic I’m paying attention. Examining yourself is all you have. Truth is all there is. It’s all bullshit at the end of the day. And weeding through that bullshit to find one jem, one artist who you believe in is worth it. I will never stop being myself. Even if it means people don’t get me, don’t like me or just don’t understand.
But laundry still sucks.
Kisses.
(via vodkaandvogue)
But I do.
(Source: re-ink, via vodkaandvogue)
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?
(Source: barcarolles, via thefreebitchproject)
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